I shall be blogging on a new site: www.twopinklinesthebook.com
This site will be about my forthcoming book, will contain useful information and Podcasts about the the journey of making the book. Feel free to check it out!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Tax credit for adoption expenses should help many!
How to Receive a Tax Credit for Your Adoption Expenses-from the RESOLVE website
The Federal Adoption Tax Credit is a refundable credit for qualified adoption expenses up to $13,170. For tax year 2010, a family or individual qualifies for the full amount of the credit if their modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) is less than $182,520. A partial credit is available on a sliding scale for those with a MAGI between $182,520 and $222,520. The amount of the credit and the income thresholds may rise slightly in 2011 based on inflation.
The credit is “refundable” because it is available as a cash refund, even if the adoptive parent(s) have no tax liability. You could actually receive money from the federal government even if you do not owe federal taxes or the amount you owe is less than your qualified adoption expenses.
The refundable nature of the Federal Adoption Tax Credit is a change from 2009 and years prior when the credit could be carried forward to subsequent tax years, but was not refundable. Another change is that if you have a credit that is being carried forward from 2009 or before, you can claim the balance as a cash refund in 2010 even if you do not have tax liability in the amount of the remaining credit.
Few refundable tax credits exist, so it is significant that adoption expenses are now reimbursed by the federal government. By offering this refundable tax credit, the government provides incentive for people to adopt children. The credit is not available for stepparent adoptions since the child is already in the home of the adopting parent.
The IRS defines “qualified adoption expenses” as reasonable and necessary adoption fees, court costs, attorney fees, and other expenses directly related to, and for the principal purpose of, adopting an eligible child. Thus, adoptive parents may recover costs for initial attorney meetings, agency fees, birth parent living expenses (if allowed under your state’s law) and travel expenses.
When to File for Both Successful and Unsuccessful Adoptions
The Federal Adoption Tax Credit is generally taken in the year that your adoption is finalized, regardless of when expenses were incurred. You may file for additional adoption expenses in subsequent years if the total amount refunded does not exceed the amount of the credit in the last year that you incurred expenses. For example, if you finalized your international adoption and claimed the credit one year and subsequently domesticated your adoption in a later year, then if the amount of the tax credit has increased and you still qualify to take the credit, you may now claim the difference between the current credit and the credit you received for your original finalization.
The government also allows the credit for failed domestic adoptions. You take the credit in the tax year the adoption fails. In order to be considered a failed adoption, the child must be an identified child. Thus, if a birth mother chooses you to be adoptive parents, but then changes her mind, you are eligible for the credit. If you pay an attorney or agency to help find a child to adopt, you cannot take the credit for those expenses until you finalized an adoption or until you attempt to but fail to complete the adoption of an identified child born or to be born in the United States.
Tips for Applying for Adoption Tax Credit
When applying for the credit, you may not file your return online, although you may use an online program to compile it. Along with the completed paper return, you must complete IRS Form 8839 and send documentation to substantiate reported expenses. The documentation may be a final decree of adoption and/or a certificate of adoption you are given as part of your finalization. It generally takes six to eight weeks to receive a refund.
For the adoption of a child who is considered “special needs” as that term is defined by each state, adoptive parents are eligible to receive the full amount of the tax credit ($13,170 in 2010), even if your qualified adoption expenses do not equal the amount of the available credit. In this case, you must attach additional documentation both defining what “special needs” means in your state and showing that there has been a finding that the child you adopted falls under the state’s definition of “special needs”.
While adoption can be an expensive process, the Federal Adoption Tax Credit represents a wonderful resource available to many who seek to build their family through adoption. An experienced adoption attorney may suggest additional state tax incentives that may be available in your state.
Disclaimer: The Federal Adoption Tax Credit was extended through 2011 by the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act of 2010. As the result of this extension, the credit became refundable. There may be other changes as well. This article is not intended to be construed as tax advice. You should seek the advice of a certified accountant or tax attorney to determine if the Federal Adoption Tax Credit is available to you and how to apply it appropriately.
Source: 26 CFR 601.105: Examination of returns and claims for refund, credit, or abatement; determination of correct tax liability, IRS Notice 2010-66. Available at: www.irs.gov/pub/irs-drop/n-10-66.pdf
The Federal Adoption Tax Credit is a refundable credit for qualified adoption expenses up to $13,170. For tax year 2010, a family or individual qualifies for the full amount of the credit if their modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) is less than $182,520. A partial credit is available on a sliding scale for those with a MAGI between $182,520 and $222,520. The amount of the credit and the income thresholds may rise slightly in 2011 based on inflation.
The credit is “refundable” because it is available as a cash refund, even if the adoptive parent(s) have no tax liability. You could actually receive money from the federal government even if you do not owe federal taxes or the amount you owe is less than your qualified adoption expenses.
The refundable nature of the Federal Adoption Tax Credit is a change from 2009 and years prior when the credit could be carried forward to subsequent tax years, but was not refundable. Another change is that if you have a credit that is being carried forward from 2009 or before, you can claim the balance as a cash refund in 2010 even if you do not have tax liability in the amount of the remaining credit.
Few refundable tax credits exist, so it is significant that adoption expenses are now reimbursed by the federal government. By offering this refundable tax credit, the government provides incentive for people to adopt children. The credit is not available for stepparent adoptions since the child is already in the home of the adopting parent.
The IRS defines “qualified adoption expenses” as reasonable and necessary adoption fees, court costs, attorney fees, and other expenses directly related to, and for the principal purpose of, adopting an eligible child. Thus, adoptive parents may recover costs for initial attorney meetings, agency fees, birth parent living expenses (if allowed under your state’s law) and travel expenses.
When to File for Both Successful and Unsuccessful Adoptions
The Federal Adoption Tax Credit is generally taken in the year that your adoption is finalized, regardless of when expenses were incurred. You may file for additional adoption expenses in subsequent years if the total amount refunded does not exceed the amount of the credit in the last year that you incurred expenses. For example, if you finalized your international adoption and claimed the credit one year and subsequently domesticated your adoption in a later year, then if the amount of the tax credit has increased and you still qualify to take the credit, you may now claim the difference between the current credit and the credit you received for your original finalization.
The government also allows the credit for failed domestic adoptions. You take the credit in the tax year the adoption fails. In order to be considered a failed adoption, the child must be an identified child. Thus, if a birth mother chooses you to be adoptive parents, but then changes her mind, you are eligible for the credit. If you pay an attorney or agency to help find a child to adopt, you cannot take the credit for those expenses until you finalized an adoption or until you attempt to but fail to complete the adoption of an identified child born or to be born in the United States.
Tips for Applying for Adoption Tax Credit
When applying for the credit, you may not file your return online, although you may use an online program to compile it. Along with the completed paper return, you must complete IRS Form 8839 and send documentation to substantiate reported expenses. The documentation may be a final decree of adoption and/or a certificate of adoption you are given as part of your finalization. It generally takes six to eight weeks to receive a refund.
For the adoption of a child who is considered “special needs” as that term is defined by each state, adoptive parents are eligible to receive the full amount of the tax credit ($13,170 in 2010), even if your qualified adoption expenses do not equal the amount of the available credit. In this case, you must attach additional documentation both defining what “special needs” means in your state and showing that there has been a finding that the child you adopted falls under the state’s definition of “special needs”.
While adoption can be an expensive process, the Federal Adoption Tax Credit represents a wonderful resource available to many who seek to build their family through adoption. An experienced adoption attorney may suggest additional state tax incentives that may be available in your state.
Disclaimer: The Federal Adoption Tax Credit was extended through 2011 by the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act of 2010. As the result of this extension, the credit became refundable. There may be other changes as well. This article is not intended to be construed as tax advice. You should seek the advice of a certified accountant or tax attorney to determine if the Federal Adoption Tax Credit is available to you and how to apply it appropriately.
Source: 26 CFR 601.105: Examination of returns and claims for refund, credit, or abatement; determination of correct tax liability, IRS Notice 2010-66. Available at: www.irs.gov/pub/irs-drop/n-10-66.pdf
Friday, August 5, 2011
Test Tube Baby Revisited!
If a women has fertility problems then there are a wide range of procedures out there to help; stimulation with Clomid, IUI, IVF, donor egg, surrogacy. However when the problem lies with the man, then that's a different story. Fewer options are available and this seems damming to most couples. But fear not, research in a test tube took us to the first baby born via IVF and now again we see science revolutionize how babies can be born. Namely,sterile mice made fertile using stem cells. Although early days, scientists at Kyoto University have managed to change the fertility status of sterile mice, making them fertile. The fertile sperm together with mouse eggs produced healthy baby mice.....now that's one for the books.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
New Fertility Magazine Launch!
The Lane Fertility Magazine
It’s been a while coming, but finally there is a nationwide online magazine (for free) to help you along your path. It’s a great magazine! Lane has managed to incorporate the hot topics that come up time and again for couples; diet, acupuncture, managing relationships and when to worry, or not worry. In an arena where everything to do with fertility cost so much money, it’s nice to see experts in the field share their views and offer their support as you journey along. You can access the Dr’s good word at http://lanefertilitymagazine.com. Enjoy the read!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Single Mothers By Choice
As I was writing an article on single mothers by choice (SMC), I came across the website : http://www.singlemothersbychoice.org
It is informative, has blogs and local communities to support SMC.
If you or someone you love is thinking about becoming a single mother by choice, pass on the website.For more information and resources for SMC, feel free to contact me at fenella@comcast.net
Best wishes
Monday, May 16, 2011
Legislation will remove financial barriers for infertility treatments
On May 12, 2011, legislation was introduced into Congress that, if passed, will establish a tax credit to improve access to medical treatment for infertility, which affects millions of people in the United States i. This important legislation could help those who might not otherwise be able to have children, build families of their own through in vitro fertilization (IVF) if indicated as a course of action.
The Family Act of 2011 is the first tax credit introduced in Congress to support those seeking to build a family through medical treatment for infertility. It was introduced to the Senate by Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) in an effort to reduce the considerable cost barriers that infertile couples face.
The American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) lists the average price of one in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle in the U.S. to be $12,400.i For the majority of patients seeking treatment for infertility, costs for assisted reproductive technology, such as IVF, are paid for-out-of-pocket and not a covered benefit under group or individual health insurance policies. Only 15 states have passed laws requiring that insurance policies cover or offer to cover some level of infertility treatment ii.
With new U.S. healthcare costs continually rising and new coverage mandates in place as a result of the new healthcare reform law, it is more important than ever to establish tax and economic policies that are supportive of families.
If you would like to contact your Congressman to voice your support of the Family Act, go to
http://bit.ly/lsFfKx .
About the Family Act:
- Tax payers who have been diagnosed as infertile by a licensed physician and for whom the indicated course of treatment is to undergo IVF treatment would be able to claim a tax credit
- Eligible treatments include medical procedures, laboratory procedures, professional charges and other necessary costs when a patient undergoes IVF treatments
- The maximum credit amount available to eligible tax payers would be $13,360
- The credit would be available to taxpayers that have an adjusted gross income of less than $182,500 and phases out for those whose incomes reach $222,520
- There is a 50/50 cost share inherent in the credit so eligible tax payers may claim the credit for up to one half of their expenses
Saturday, April 9, 2011
New Fertility Counseling Package as of April 2011.
The price of fertility treatment can be exorbitant, leaving little room for the important adjunct of psychotherapy --- more specifically fertility counseling. However, your mental health is an important part of the process. To accommodate for this, I am now offering more affordable mental health care coverage.
30 minute session, phone or in person: $75
45 minute session, phone or in person: $110
60 minute session, phone or in person: $130
Package:
(6) 30 minute sessions: $390 ($65 /session)
(6) 45 minute sessions: $600 ($100/session)
(6) 60 minute sessions: $720 ($120/session)
Please inquire for your specific needs.
30 minute session, phone or in person: $75
45 minute session, phone or in person: $110
60 minute session, phone or in person: $130
Package:
(6) 30 minute sessions: $390 ($65 /session)
(6) 45 minute sessions: $600 ($100/session)
(6) 60 minute sessions: $720 ($120/session)
Please inquire for your specific needs.
Friday, April 1, 2011
New SKYPE fertility support group forming
This support group is designed for those who are unable to attend support groups in person because of location or timing. Sessions will be $50 for a one and half hour session for a commitment of 4 weeks.
For more details, please contact Fenella at Fenella@comcast.net or 415.717.3216
For more details, please contact Fenella at Fenella@comcast.net or 415.717.3216
Thursday, March 24, 2011
New book
Fenella Das Gupta has been awarded a grant from the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists to train MFTs in the area of infertility counseling and to continue her research on her lastest book.
For more information, please contact Fenella directly
For more information, please contact Fenella directly
Friday, February 25, 2011
Challenges of Conceiving after 40
In this article newspaper reporter Michelle Aschwald talks to Drs Marcelle Cedars, Carl Herbert and Danielle Lane, together Fenella Das Gupta about the challenges of getting pregnant after the age of 40. Both the physical and emotional challenges are highlighted.
This article is published in The Ark Newspaper; February 16, 2011.
This article is published in The Ark Newspaper; February 16, 2011.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Do you have a minute please?
A patient of mine today complained about “relaxation techniques”. That these techniques had in fact become another chore, another thing to add to the “things to do today” list. I commiserated with her, it is in fact no longer a relaxation technique if you don’t feel you have time. But if you have a minute, I can help you…….
The One Minute Meditation:
Find a place where you can sit down quietly and comfortably.
Close your eyes.
Allow your belly to go soft.
Choose a word/ phrase that has meaning to you or a calming effect on you, such as “relax”, “breathe” or “take your time”
Now, as you breathe in and out repeat your chosen word slowly in your head.
When your attention drifts, just bring it back. It is perfectly normal and acceptable for your attention to drift during meditation. This is part of the meditation!
The One Minute Meditation:
Find a place where you can sit down quietly and comfortably.
Close your eyes.
Allow your belly to go soft.
Choose a word/ phrase that has meaning to you or a calming effect on you, such as “relax”, “breathe” or “take your time”
Now, as you breathe in and out repeat your chosen word slowly in your head.
When your attention drifts, just bring it back. It is perfectly normal and acceptable for your attention to drift during meditation. This is part of the meditation!
Monday, May 24, 2010
RESOLVE Professionally Led Support Groups-Northern California
Northern California Professionally Led RESOLVE Support groups
Napa in Napa County:Location: Napa Valley Fertility Center:1175 Trancas Street,Napa, CA 94558.I nquire about date and time as a new groups are ongoing and forming Cost: $40 per session. 4 week initial commitment. These weekly support groups will also have confidential support through (voluntary) membership through online network set up by Fenella.For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
Petaluma in Sonoma County: General Infertility Support GroupLocation: The Psychotherapy Office of Fenella Das Gupta, New Group forming in Petaluma. Cost: $40 per session. 4week intial commitment.Time: Monday Evenings: 8-9.30 pm. These weekly support groups will also have confidential support through (voluntary) membership through online network set up by Fenella. For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
San Rafael in Marin County: General Infertility Support Groups, IVF Cycling and Donor Egg Recipient Support GroupsLocation: The Ama Fertility Center: Fourth Street, Suite 208.San Rafael, CA 94901. Meets weekly Tuesday from 6.PM-7.30 pm.Cost: $40 per session. 4 week initial commitment. These weekly support groups will also have confidential support through (voluntary) membership through online network set up by Fenella.For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
Novato in Marin County: General Infertility Support Groups, IVF Cycling and Donor Egg Recipient Support GroupsLocation: The Lane Institute: 101 Rowland Way, Suite 305.Novato, CA 94115. Inquire about date and time as a new groups are ongoing and forming Cost: $40 per session. 4 week initial commitment. These weekly support groups will also have confidential support through (voluntary) membership through online network set up by Fenella.For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
San Francisco General Infertility Support Group, IVF Cycling and Donor Egg Recipient Support groups: Inquire about date and time as a new groups are ongoing and forming.For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
Napa in Napa County:Location: Napa Valley Fertility Center:1175 Trancas Street,Napa, CA 94558.I nquire about date and time as a new groups are ongoing and forming Cost: $40 per session. 4 week initial commitment. These weekly support groups will also have confidential support through (voluntary) membership through online network set up by Fenella.For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
Petaluma in Sonoma County: General Infertility Support GroupLocation: The Psychotherapy Office of Fenella Das Gupta, New Group forming in Petaluma. Cost: $40 per session. 4week intial commitment.Time: Monday Evenings: 8-9.30 pm. These weekly support groups will also have confidential support through (voluntary) membership through online network set up by Fenella. For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
San Rafael in Marin County: General Infertility Support Groups, IVF Cycling and Donor Egg Recipient Support GroupsLocation: The Ama Fertility Center: Fourth Street, Suite 208.San Rafael, CA 94901. Meets weekly Tuesday from 6.PM-7.30 pm.Cost: $40 per session. 4 week initial commitment. These weekly support groups will also have confidential support through (voluntary) membership through online network set up by Fenella.For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
Novato in Marin County: General Infertility Support Groups, IVF Cycling and Donor Egg Recipient Support GroupsLocation: The Lane Institute: 101 Rowland Way, Suite 305.Novato, CA 94115. Inquire about date and time as a new groups are ongoing and forming Cost: $40 per session. 4 week initial commitment. These weekly support groups will also have confidential support through (voluntary) membership through online network set up by Fenella.For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
San Francisco General Infertility Support Group, IVF Cycling and Donor Egg Recipient Support groups: Inquire about date and time as a new groups are ongoing and forming.For more information, please contact Fenella at 415.717.3216
Thursday, April 29, 2010
How to Argue Effectively; Your New Refrigerator Magnet
How to Argue Effectively; Your New Refrigerator Magnet
Anyone going through fertility treatment understands the concept of “stress” in ways that others may have no clue about. Stress can be as bad for the heart as a regularsmoking habit. It weakens your immune system and causes emotional wounds to take longer to heal.
Arguments during the fertility procedure often revolve around wanting different things. For example, you are ready for IVF and your partner wants to still do one more round of IUI treatment. You find yourself stuck in the same old rant as before with no resolution. Underlying many arguments is a deeper issue; you want your partner to listen to you, you want to be heard, you want your views to be considered.
There are certain rules that can help with arguments that if followed, can lead to
resolution and greater self understanding.
To Resolve Arguments: THE RULES
REMEMBER: When the emotional brain is the ringmaster in an argument, thelogical brain is a disengaged bystander ad you cannot process rationally. In short, you are less forgiving. Therefore:
1. Take a break and agree to return to the topic. Work out:What does take a break look like for each of you? Do you know when you need to step away? What are your body signals? NOTE: when returning to a topic, research has shown that AT LEAST 30 minutes is required as a cooling off period.
2. When you are taking your break away, think about the outcome YOU would like to see
happen. Ask yourself "What is the outcome I would like from this discussion?"Get clear on what you want and be as clear as you can with your partner. Remember, you want your partner to understand what you want.
3. The revisit: TAKE TURNS AND LET YOUR PARTNER SPEAK, YOU MAY ONLY ASK CLARIFYING QUESTIONS…. You’ll get your turn! Use “I Statements” to state what you want the outcome to be for the discussion. For example:
I Feel------- and I would like to feel-------.
I would like-------- outcome
4. Tell your partner why is this important?Tell your partner why it is important to you. Go into detail about :
How it will help you
What changes in feelings it will bring about for you.
Talk about what you can do for your partner if you get some of what you want.....
remember, you have to give a little to get a little.......
Anyone going through fertility treatment understands the concept of “stress” in ways that others may have no clue about. Stress can be as bad for the heart as a regularsmoking habit. It weakens your immune system and causes emotional wounds to take longer to heal.
Arguments during the fertility procedure often revolve around wanting different things. For example, you are ready for IVF and your partner wants to still do one more round of IUI treatment. You find yourself stuck in the same old rant as before with no resolution. Underlying many arguments is a deeper issue; you want your partner to listen to you, you want to be heard, you want your views to be considered.
There are certain rules that can help with arguments that if followed, can lead to
resolution and greater self understanding.
To Resolve Arguments: THE RULES
REMEMBER: When the emotional brain is the ringmaster in an argument, thelogical brain is a disengaged bystander ad you cannot process rationally. In short, you are less forgiving. Therefore:
1. Take a break and agree to return to the topic. Work out:What does take a break look like for each of you? Do you know when you need to step away? What are your body signals? NOTE: when returning to a topic, research has shown that AT LEAST 30 minutes is required as a cooling off period.
2. When you are taking your break away, think about the outcome YOU would like to see
happen. Ask yourself "What is the outcome I would like from this discussion?"Get clear on what you want and be as clear as you can with your partner. Remember, you want your partner to understand what you want.
3. The revisit: TAKE TURNS AND LET YOUR PARTNER SPEAK, YOU MAY ONLY ASK CLARIFYING QUESTIONS…. You’ll get your turn! Use “I Statements” to state what you want the outcome to be for the discussion. For example:
I Feel------- and I would like to feel-------.
I would like-------- outcome
4. Tell your partner why is this important?Tell your partner why it is important to you. Go into detail about :
How it will help you
What changes in feelings it will bring about for you.
Talk about what you can do for your partner if you get some of what you want.....
remember, you have to give a little to get a little.......
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Living A Childfree Life Starting From A Childless Life
Couples who have struggled with infertility and chosen to end their pursuit of having children are faced with the question “How do I move on from this place?” and “now what?” In truth, moving away from something that has been your focus for so long will take time. The process is slow and gradual. At first, you may feel heavy and tired.Often there is a feeling of emptiness when the hope fades. The onslaught of grief, disorientation and loss that is experienced can feel overwhelming. Wanting to suppress that feeling is a natural response to pain. But in reality suppressing the pain often leads to chronic depression.
So how do you move on? The first step is to secure a good support system. A good support system is characterized by people in your life that will listen without judging, offer encouragement and validate your feelings and what you are going through. A good support system can be found through organizations such as RESOLVE The National Infertility Association, your fertility clinic, support groups run by professionals or peers and even online through fertility blogs. Once found, use them! Talk, talk and talk some more. Try not to judge your feelings, try to respond to them. No feeling is ever bad or wrong. Having a daily check in with family and friends can also help. Ask for what you need. This is a time of much stress and will require a lot of strength as you start to work through all the emotions that you feel.
As you start to move through the feelings the sadness will lift. Redefining your life and identity (together with your partner) then ensues. So what does a life without a child really look like?
A shift in thinking may help here. Laura Carroll, author of Families of Two suggests a “family of two” which implies that you are already a complete unit. Instead of swim meets, soccer practice and homework, in your family there are different chores: getting the dog groomed, planning get-togethers, and having some quiet time for yourself. So consider, what does it mean to be a ‘family of two’ in your household? What would that mean to you if you considered your partner and yourself to be a family unit? A romantic partnership, a trusting friendship; a family.
Along with this, finding new meaning and purpose to your life without the presence of children holds the key to a happy future. Perhaps it’s connecting with your local community, or throwing yourself into a socially conscience activity. May be it’s travel, maybe it’s spiritual development or personal growth work. Whatever you choose, remember that no life is ever empty. Things might not have worked out the way you had planned. You will need to grieve, but the horizon doesn’t have to be bleak. It can be full of potential, because you are full of potential.
So how do you move on? The first step is to secure a good support system. A good support system is characterized by people in your life that will listen without judging, offer encouragement and validate your feelings and what you are going through. A good support system can be found through organizations such as RESOLVE The National Infertility Association, your fertility clinic, support groups run by professionals or peers and even online through fertility blogs. Once found, use them! Talk, talk and talk some more. Try not to judge your feelings, try to respond to them. No feeling is ever bad or wrong. Having a daily check in with family and friends can also help. Ask for what you need. This is a time of much stress and will require a lot of strength as you start to work through all the emotions that you feel.
As you start to move through the feelings the sadness will lift. Redefining your life and identity (together with your partner) then ensues. So what does a life without a child really look like?
A shift in thinking may help here. Laura Carroll, author of Families of Two suggests a “family of two” which implies that you are already a complete unit. Instead of swim meets, soccer practice and homework, in your family there are different chores: getting the dog groomed, planning get-togethers, and having some quiet time for yourself. So consider, what does it mean to be a ‘family of two’ in your household? What would that mean to you if you considered your partner and yourself to be a family unit? A romantic partnership, a trusting friendship; a family.
Along with this, finding new meaning and purpose to your life without the presence of children holds the key to a happy future. Perhaps it’s connecting with your local community, or throwing yourself into a socially conscience activity. May be it’s travel, maybe it’s spiritual development or personal growth work. Whatever you choose, remember that no life is ever empty. Things might not have worked out the way you had planned. You will need to grieve, but the horizon doesn’t have to be bleak. It can be full of potential, because you are full of potential.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Fertility Issues: How to Counter Stress
An Existential Issue
The desire to have and raise children is a fundamental aspect of human nature. In fact, when something goes wrong with fulfilling this stage a crisis can ensue. The very meaning of life may be thrown into question as life plans go awry. Feelings of grief and loss are commonplace, while a sense of shame precipitating old wounds of ‘not being good enough’ may also come up. Throughout the process, couples are stretched to the maximum, both emotionally and financially. Naturally, with eyes on the goal and not the process, anxiety levels are bound to run high. For certain it takes courage and fortitude to proceed further with the roller coaster ride of emotions that ensue.
How We React
You may tend to keep this issue private and away from the extended family. As a result, your relationship will bear the brunt of the infertility experience. Infertility and associated treatments can wreck havoc on intimacy. Your goals shift from sex for pleasure to sex for procreation. Straining the relationship further is the fact that men and women process the experience in different ways. For example, men who typically take on the role of being the provider and protector often find themselves feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of their partner's emotions as well as depressed due to an inability to access much of their own emotions. They find themselves helpless to make this situation better and, as a result, protect themselves by giving off the message that she is "too sensitive about the whole thing”, focusing harder at their work and distancing from their partner. Women who typically take on the role of the emotional caretakers end up taking much of the responsibility for the treatment and scheduling appointments themselves. Trying to keep their emotions in check for fear of being “too sensitive” overwhelm then ensues. If this sounds familiar, then you are probably carrying a lot of stress and feeling isolated. You are not alone. These symptoms are common to many couples and help is here.
How Does Stress affect my Fertility and IVF Treatment?
Distressing emotions can cause stress hormones such as cortisol to go into overdrive. An overproduction of stress hormones can then alter the body’s physiology in ways that are counterproductive to conception and implantation. The physiological response of fight or flight is kicked in. Research has shown that the more stressed a woman feels, the less likely she is to achieve pregnancy. This fact remains true even with the higher-tech infertility treatments such as IVF. The stress that accompanies fertility issues cannot be underestimated as couples repeatedly report that they are often thrown off by the emotional and psychological toll of the experience.
The Stress of Fertility Issues and IVF Cycling Can Be Reduced
Reducing stress keeps the body’s hormones in balance so that there is a greater chance for the desired outcome of pregnancy. There is evidence to suggest that when women are taught to relax and are able to verbalize their concerns, the likelihood of pregnancy rises sharply.
Relaxation and verbalization of feelings is key.
Here are some suggestions to help both partners during the infertility process:
• Communicate openly with each other as much as you can.
• Realize there's no right or wrong way to feel.
• Get in touch with your feelings to help you know what you need. Once what you know what you need, clearly and specifically tell your partner how to help you.
• Ask your partner what she/he needs rather than assuming that you can/cannot give it.
• Recognize the psychological and emotional differences between you.
• See if you can teach each other some of the skills you've learned from your own life experiences.
Try to RESPOND and not REACT
How Do I Rate whether I need help?
Do you feel
• Depressed, angry or anxious?
• Worried about your finances because of treatment?
• Worried about treatment outcome?
• Anxious that friends and family keeping asking?
• Wondering if you chose the right treatment option?
-If you find yourself stuck on or concerned about these issues and have not spoken with a trained professional counselor, then the chances are you are carrying stress that may be alleviated through talk therapy.
How Can Counseling Help Me?
I offer a specific type of therapy for fertility issues known as Client Centered Therapy. By working with me, you will be able to express your worries and concerns, understand your thinking patterns and gain perspective on current events and relationships. Specific relaxation techniques for stress will also be learned. We will work together to alleviate stress as much as possible and improve your emotional well being. All sessions are confidential.
Inquire about Telephone Counseling throughout California or Individual and Support Group counseling and therapy in Sonoma and Marin Counties, California.
Fenella can be reached at 415.717.3216 or by email: fenella@comcast.net
For more information about Fenella and her other services, you can view her other website at www.innermirror.com.She works in Northern California in both Marin and Sonoma Counties.
Professional Organizations and Affiliations:
California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT).
San Francisco Psychotherapy Research Group
APA Division 35; Society for the Psychology of women
American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM)
Professional Member of RESOLVE
The desire to have and raise children is a fundamental aspect of human nature. In fact, when something goes wrong with fulfilling this stage a crisis can ensue. The very meaning of life may be thrown into question as life plans go awry. Feelings of grief and loss are commonplace, while a sense of shame precipitating old wounds of ‘not being good enough’ may also come up. Throughout the process, couples are stretched to the maximum, both emotionally and financially. Naturally, with eyes on the goal and not the process, anxiety levels are bound to run high. For certain it takes courage and fortitude to proceed further with the roller coaster ride of emotions that ensue.
How We React
You may tend to keep this issue private and away from the extended family. As a result, your relationship will bear the brunt of the infertility experience. Infertility and associated treatments can wreck havoc on intimacy. Your goals shift from sex for pleasure to sex for procreation. Straining the relationship further is the fact that men and women process the experience in different ways. For example, men who typically take on the role of being the provider and protector often find themselves feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of their partner's emotions as well as depressed due to an inability to access much of their own emotions. They find themselves helpless to make this situation better and, as a result, protect themselves by giving off the message that she is "too sensitive about the whole thing”, focusing harder at their work and distancing from their partner. Women who typically take on the role of the emotional caretakers end up taking much of the responsibility for the treatment and scheduling appointments themselves. Trying to keep their emotions in check for fear of being “too sensitive” overwhelm then ensues. If this sounds familiar, then you are probably carrying a lot of stress and feeling isolated. You are not alone. These symptoms are common to many couples and help is here.
How Does Stress affect my Fertility and IVF Treatment?
Distressing emotions can cause stress hormones such as cortisol to go into overdrive. An overproduction of stress hormones can then alter the body’s physiology in ways that are counterproductive to conception and implantation. The physiological response of fight or flight is kicked in. Research has shown that the more stressed a woman feels, the less likely she is to achieve pregnancy. This fact remains true even with the higher-tech infertility treatments such as IVF. The stress that accompanies fertility issues cannot be underestimated as couples repeatedly report that they are often thrown off by the emotional and psychological toll of the experience.
The Stress of Fertility Issues and IVF Cycling Can Be Reduced
Reducing stress keeps the body’s hormones in balance so that there is a greater chance for the desired outcome of pregnancy. There is evidence to suggest that when women are taught to relax and are able to verbalize their concerns, the likelihood of pregnancy rises sharply.
Relaxation and verbalization of feelings is key.
Here are some suggestions to help both partners during the infertility process:
• Communicate openly with each other as much as you can.
• Realize there's no right or wrong way to feel.
• Get in touch with your feelings to help you know what you need. Once what you know what you need, clearly and specifically tell your partner how to help you.
• Ask your partner what she/he needs rather than assuming that you can/cannot give it.
• Recognize the psychological and emotional differences between you.
• See if you can teach each other some of the skills you've learned from your own life experiences.
Try to RESPOND and not REACT
How Do I Rate whether I need help?
Do you feel
• Depressed, angry or anxious?
• Worried about your finances because of treatment?
• Worried about treatment outcome?
• Anxious that friends and family keeping asking?
• Wondering if you chose the right treatment option?
-If you find yourself stuck on or concerned about these issues and have not spoken with a trained professional counselor, then the chances are you are carrying stress that may be alleviated through talk therapy.
How Can Counseling Help Me?
I offer a specific type of therapy for fertility issues known as Client Centered Therapy. By working with me, you will be able to express your worries and concerns, understand your thinking patterns and gain perspective on current events and relationships. Specific relaxation techniques for stress will also be learned. We will work together to alleviate stress as much as possible and improve your emotional well being. All sessions are confidential.
Inquire about Telephone Counseling throughout California or Individual and Support Group counseling and therapy in Sonoma and Marin Counties, California.
Fenella can be reached at 415.717.3216 or by email: fenella@comcast.net
For more information about Fenella and her other services, you can view her other website at www.innermirror.com.She works in Northern California in both Marin and Sonoma Counties.
Professional Organizations and Affiliations:
California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT).
San Francisco Psychotherapy Research Group
APA Division 35; Society for the Psychology of women
American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM)
Professional Member of RESOLVE
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