How to Argue Effectively; Your New Refrigerator Magnet

How to Argue Effectively; Your New Refrigerator Magnet

Anyone going through fertility treatment understands the concept of “stress” in ways that others may have no clue about. Stress can be as bad for the heart as a regularsmoking habit. It weakens your immune system and causes emotional wounds to take longer to heal.


Arguments during the fertility procedure often revolve around wanting different things. For example, you are ready for IVF and your partner wants to still do one more round of IUI treatment. You find yourself stuck in the same old rant as before with no resolution. Underlying many arguments is a deeper issue; you want your partner to listen to you, you want to be heard, you want your views to be considered.


There are certain rules that can help with arguments that if followed, can lead to
resolution and greater self understanding.


To Resolve Arguments: THE RULES

REMEMBER: When the emotional brain is the ringmaster in an argument, thelogical brain is a disengaged bystander ad you cannot process rationally. In short, you are less forgiving. Therefore:
1. Take a break and agree to return to the topic. Work out:What does take a break look like for each of you? Do you know when you need to step away? What are your body signals? NOTE: when returning to a topic, research has shown that AT LEAST 30 minutes is required as a cooling off period.

2. When you are taking your break away, think about the outcome YOU would like to see
happen. Ask yourself "What is the outcome I would like from this discussion?"Get clear on what you want and be as clear as you can with your partner. Remember, you want your partner to understand what you want.

3. The revisit: TAKE TURNS AND LET YOUR PARTNER SPEAK, YOU MAY ONLY ASK CLARIFYING QUESTIONS…. You’ll get your turn! Use “I Statements” to state what you want the outcome to be for the discussion. For example:
I Feel------- and I would like to feel-------.
I would like-------- outcome


4. Tell your partner why is this important?Tell your partner why it is important to you. Go into detail about :

How it will help you

What changes in feelings it will bring about for you.

Talk about what you can do for your partner if you get some of what you want.....

remember, you have to give a little to get a little.......