Fertility Issues: How to Counter Stress

An Existential Issue
The desire to have and raise children is a fundamental aspect of human nature. In fact, when something goes wrong with fulfilling this stage a crisis can ensue. The very meaning of life may be thrown into question as life plans go awry. Feelings of grief and loss are commonplace, while a sense of shame precipitating old wounds of ‘not being good enough’ may also come up. Throughout the process, couples are stretched to the maximum, both emotionally and financially. Naturally, with eyes on the goal and not the process, anxiety levels are bound to run high. For certain it takes courage and fortitude to proceed further with the roller coaster ride of emotions that ensue.

How We React
You may tend to keep this issue private and away from the extended family. As a result, your relationship will bear the brunt of the infertility experience. Infertility and associated treatments can wreck havoc on intimacy. Your goals shift from sex for pleasure to sex for procreation. Straining the relationship further is the fact that men and women process the experience in different ways. For example, men who typically take on the role of being the provider and protector often find themselves feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of their partner's emotions as well as depressed due to an inability to access much of their own emotions. They find themselves helpless to make this situation better and, as a result, protect themselves by giving off the message that she is "too sensitive about the whole thing”, focusing harder at their work and distancing from their partner. Women who typically take on the role of the emotional caretakers end up taking much of the responsibility for the treatment and scheduling appointments themselves. Trying to keep their emotions in check for fear of being “too sensitive” overwhelm then ensues. If this sounds familiar, then you are probably carrying a lot of stress and feeling isolated. You are not alone. These symptoms are common to many couples and help is here.

How Does Stress affect my Fertility and IVF Treatment?
Distressing emotions can cause stress hormones such as cortisol to go into overdrive. An overproduction of stress hormones can then alter the body’s physiology in ways that are counterproductive to conception and implantation. The physiological response of fight or flight is kicked in. Research has shown that the more stressed a woman feels, the less likely she is to achieve pregnancy. This fact remains true even with the higher-tech infertility treatments such as IVF. The stress that accompanies fertility issues cannot be underestimated as couples repeatedly report that they are often thrown off by the emotional and psychological toll of the experience.

The Stress of Fertility Issues and IVF Cycling Can Be Reduced
Reducing stress keeps the body’s hormones in balance so that there is a greater chance for the desired outcome of pregnancy. There is evidence to suggest that when women are taught to relax and are able to verbalize their concerns, the likelihood of pregnancy rises sharply.

Relaxation and verbalization of feelings is key.

Here are some suggestions to help both partners during the infertility process:
• Communicate openly with each other as much as you can.
• Realize there's no right or wrong way to feel.
• Get in touch with your feelings to help you know what you need. Once what you know what you need, clearly and specifically tell your partner how to help you.
• Ask your partner what she/he needs rather than assuming that you can/cannot give it.
• Recognize the psychological and emotional differences between you.
• See if you can teach each other some of the skills you've learned from your own life experiences.
Try to RESPOND and not REACT

How Do I Rate whether I need help?
Do you feel
• Depressed, angry or anxious?
• Worried about your finances because of treatment?
• Worried about treatment outcome?
• Anxious that friends and family keeping asking?
• Wondering if you chose the right treatment option?
-If you find yourself stuck on or concerned about these issues and have not spoken with a trained professional counselor, then the chances are you are carrying stress that may be alleviated through talk therapy.

How Can Counseling Help Me?
I offer a specific type of therapy for fertility issues known as Client Centered Therapy. By working with me, you will be able to express your worries and concerns, understand your thinking patterns and gain perspective on current events and relationships. Specific relaxation techniques for stress will also be learned. We will work together to alleviate stress as much as possible and improve your emotional well being. All sessions are confidential.

Inquire about Telephone Counseling throughout California or Individual and Support Group counseling and therapy in Sonoma and Marin Counties, California.

Fenella can be reached at 415.717.3216 or by email: fenella@comcast.net
For more information about Fenella and her other services, you can view her other website at www.innermirror.com.She works in Northern California in both Marin and Sonoma Counties.

Professional Organizations and Affiliations:
California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT).
San Francisco Psychotherapy Research Group
APA Division 35; Society for the Psychology of women
American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM)
Professional Member of RESOLVE