Living A Childfree Life Starting From A Childless Life

Couples who have struggled with infertility and chosen to end their pursuit of having children are faced with the question “How do I move on from this place?” and “now what?” In truth, moving away from something that has been your focus for so long will take time. The process is slow and gradual. At first, you may feel heavy and tired.Often there is a feeling of emptiness when the hope fades. The onslaught of grief, disorientation and loss that is experienced can feel overwhelming. Wanting to suppress that feeling is a natural response to pain. But in reality suppressing the pain often leads to chronic depression.

So how do you move on? The first step is to secure a good support system. A good support system is characterized by people in your life that will listen without judging, offer encouragement and validate your feelings and what you are going through. A good support system can be found through organizations such as RESOLVE The National Infertility Association, your fertility clinic, support groups run by professionals or peers and even online through fertility blogs. Once found, use them! Talk, talk and talk some more. Try not to judge your feelings, try to respond to them. No feeling is ever bad or wrong. Having a daily check in with family and friends can also help. Ask for what you need. This is a time of much stress and will require a lot of strength as you start to work through all the emotions that you feel.

As you start to move through the feelings the sadness will lift. Redefining your life and identity (together with your partner) then ensues. So what does a life without a child really look like?
A shift in thinking may help here. Laura Carroll, author of Families of Two suggests a “family of two” which implies that you are already a complete unit. Instead of swim meets, soccer practice and homework, in your family there are different chores: getting the dog groomed, planning get-togethers, and having some quiet time for yourself. So consider, what does it mean to be a ‘family of two’ in your household? What would that mean to you if you considered your partner and yourself to be a family unit? A romantic partnership, a trusting friendship; a family.
Along with this, finding new meaning and purpose to your life without the presence of children holds the key to a happy future. Perhaps it’s connecting with your local community, or throwing yourself into a socially conscience activity. May be it’s travel, maybe it’s spiritual development or personal growth work. Whatever you choose, remember that no life is ever empty. Things might not have worked out the way you had planned. You will need to grieve, but the horizon doesn’t have to be bleak. It can be full of potential, because you are full of potential.